Did you really believe that?

My wife asked the other day if I really believed that. That being the Virgin birth and divinity of Jesus. She asked because well I have served as an ordained minister in a Protestant denomination. So it was a valid question. I had a hard time answering because it is so conditioned within us a Christians that certain truths are not only not non negotiable, they are so sacred that  one does not even question whether questioning would be called for. The short answer for me has always been yes, I affirm the Divinity of the Christ, but I fear that the answer belies the truth as I believe fully and without equivocation in many scientific truths that a literally understanding of the Gospel would deny.

Indeed I have never been a very literal believer in most of the the sacred story. I have long been a believer in the story and a participant in the journey without actually being in word for word agreement. It was this dichotomy that led me to leave the ministry quite some time ago. My double think wasn't effective anymore, and though I longed to be a part of the host of saints, I was increasingly in the way of the beliefs of others.

So today I answer in a different way. No, I do not now, nor have I ever really believed that Jesus was born to a Virgin, never mind the controversy over whether she remained one after the birth. And I have never been totally sure of the claim of divinity. Jesus was and is for me a teacher and guide, a radical rabbi whose teachings of love and mutual understanding still resonate for me. I believe that in an inner way, Jesus was in touch with that quality of God that speaks to us. I believe that in the communion we are participating in a larger than life sharing of our common faith. It is easy for me to see myself a the table recreating an event that I share with those who have gone before and those who are yet to come. That is a part of my faith, an article of the mystery that has drawn me and continues to speak to me. But it is a dialogue that I largely share in private. There are a few who can understand the struggle as I do, there are far more who cannot comprehend that my struggle is valid.

Never the less, as oft I drink that cup or eat that bread I do it in memory of Him. He guides my walk and that, for me, makes me a Christian.